The Cockroach
by Drachesky
Summary: The Camaro is in the shop, so Danny borrows a car from his neighbor. Unfortunately, the loaner comes with an unexpected guest.
1. Chapter 1: Kono

**A/N: I've never fully understood how Danny could have such a trashy apartment in early episodes, yet somehow have a nice car that he keeps in pristine condition. I've often wondered if Steve is the driving force behind the Camaro's cleanliness.**

 **A/N: This is as close to being a true story as one can have when writing about a cockroach that lives in a glove compartment. If you ever see a small, battered, blue car in the Kailua area, avoid the glove compartment.**

 **…**

"Whoa!" Kono jumped slightly in her seat and leaned away from the glovebox as far as she could. "What the heck is that?"

"What? Oh. Yeah." Peering over at the clutter spilling from the glove compartment, which didn't quite close due to it being overstuffed well past capacity with papers and granola bars and the odd wrapper or stray bit of trash, Danny spotted the perpetrator perched on an envelope near the back. "That's George."

"That's disgusting."

"It's just an insect."

"A cockroach is _not_ 'just' an insect, brah," Kono gagged, scooting the seat back as far as she could manage. "In the name of all that is holy, why do you have a cockroach in your glovebox?"

"Don't tell me you're afraid of him?" Danny asked with a sly grin. He was not about to pass up this apparently excellent opportunity to dig at the youngest member of the team. "It's just a harmless roach."

"Those things carry diseases! And you missed the important question: _why_ is it here?"

"It came with the car," Danny shrugged.

"And the car came from…?" Kono pressed, her eyes drifted over the trashy, stained, and definitely un-Camaro interior with a mixture of discomfort and disdain.

"I told you- my neighbor let me borrow it while my car is in the shop."

"Most shops let you have a loaner free of charge," Kono pointed out, her legs now pulled up into the seat with her. "Why didn't the shop give you a car?"

"Cause it's not that kind of shop."

"So what kind is it?"

"The kind for divorced men with massive child support payments and crappy government salaries," Danny ground out moodily as the conversation shifted suddenly to a topic he'd been trying to avoid. He was just as unhappy with the car as Kono, but her criticism made him almost defensive of the trashed hunk of metal that he was saddled with for the next few days. He gritted his teeth, irritated. Beggars couldn't be choosers, and right now he was most certainly a beggar. Christmas had been rough, some unexpected payments had come up, and therapy for his re-flared ACL hadn't been cheap. Insurance only covered so much.

He jerked the wheel a little harder than necessary coming around the corner and frowned as it listed slightly in his hands. He'd have to remember to warn Steve about its quirks before letting his partner get his hands on it.

Kono was quiet for a minute. "Okay, so I get that your neighbors are slobs who can't take care of their stuff," she finally said. "But naming the little beast? That's a sign of attachment, brah. Isn't that a bit much?"

"You name your surfboards," Danny pointed out.

"That's different."

Danny shrugged. "George isn't as bad as you think. We get along fine. He's always excited to see me, doesn't make a mess, doesn't need to be fed…"

"You can stop now."

Danny flashed a grin. He was making it up as he went along, but, he reflected, all of what he said was still true. "George doesn't bark or make noise at 3 a.m., he doesn't shed, he cleans up after himself, I'm not allergic to him…Think about it: he's like the ideal pet."

"Seriously, please stop," Kono begged.

"I just don't see what the big deal is," Danny said nonchalantly. "Why worry about one little cockroach when you could be griping about the takeout containers, old beer bottles, and whatever the heck that green thing is?" As he spoke, he nudged a piece of trash away from the gas pedal and tried to kick it under the seat. Had he realized his neighbor was this messy, he would have looked elsewhere for a temporary vehicle, but that ship had sailed.

"You're acknowledging the cockroach is unsanitary?"

"I'm saying it's not any worse than what's already here," Danny responded evenly.

"I think that's debatable." Kono flinched as the cockroach ran suddenly toward her, stopping on the edge of the glovebox. "Pull the car over."

"Why?"

"So I can kill it."

"Kill it!" Seemingly offended, Danny reach across the seat and gently pushed the glovebox closed, sequestering the insect inside. "You can't kill it; it belongs to Mr. Pulani."

"Is that the same logic you used when deciding to not clean the car out? ' _I can't throw this trash away; it belongs to Mr. Pulani._ '?"

"That's different."

"Uh huh." Kono squeamishly pushed several empty coke cans away with her foot. "I'm sure that if you kill George, George's cousins will all move in shortly, so your neighbor will have plenty more to take his place."

Danny didn't have a snappy comeback for this. He actually agreed with Kono on all points, but he would never admit it. Anything that annoyed her probably also annoyed Steve, and was therefore a source of entertainment for Danny. Opportunities to tease the FearlessWonder were few and far between, so Danny usually settled for lecturing Steve on his driving habits or whatever else came to mind. With the cockroach, however, he had a feeling that he had just struck the motherload. Bummer his own car would be fixed soon…

"So," he took the Kaneohe exit toward their crime scene, "you think I should clean the car and kill George before I give the car back? Should I wash it and wax it, too?"

"Probably wash it. _I'd_ wash it."

"But then Pulani hasn't learned a lesson. Shouldn't this be some kind of lesson in cleanliness and order?"

Kono raised an eyebrow. "If he hasn't learned anything so far, then it's not going to happen now because you cleaned his car."

"So why help him out?" Danny pulled into the crime scene parking lot and killed the engine just outside the police tape. "And don't tell me 'virtue is its own reward' or some crap like that."

"You're a cop, aren't you? Isn't virtue its own reward for this job? I know you don't do it for the salary."

Danny sighed inwardly. Aloud, he said, "Maybe I'll keep George as a pet when I return the car."

"See, now you're just trying to mess with me."

Danny grinned. "Is it working?" he asked as he flashed his badge at the officer guarding the tape and followed Kono into the building.

"No." But in the elevator, Kono jabbed the 3rd floor button a little harder than necessary. The elevator whirred, groaned, and chugged slowly upwards. After a moment, Kono cast a curious look in Danny's direction. "Why George?"

"What?"

"Why George? Why not Tom or Harry or Suzy? Do you even know if it's a boy?" She paused. "Are you assuming its gender?"

"It's a boy," Danny insisted even though he frankly didn't have a clue, "and I've named him George after my partner."

"Your partner when you first got to Hawaii?"

"No. George was my partner briefly back in Jersey. The roach is named in honor of him."

"Brah, if that's how you honor your friends, then I'd hate to be Steve."

The elevator chimed and they stepped out into the hallway.

"Oh, George and I weren't friends," Danny explained as they made their way down the long office hallway.

"But-"

"I said we were partners _briefly_. Like, very briefly. About two weeks, in fact."

"Why?" Curiosity was biting hard and Kono found herself more interested in this side-story than she intended.

"George was a slob," Danny shrugged matter-of-factly. They entered the crime scene area and he paused to take in the carefully-posed body on the floor, the tidy room, and the distinct absence of blood spatter. His partner, he observed with a satisfied smirk, had yet to arrive. Squatting next to the body, he continued the story to Kono. "George was a slob and a hoarder who never threw anything away. He really should have been on that Hoarders show. I tried to sign him up, but the application process took too much time and effort, so I gave up and left him to it. He seemed happy. Who am I to tell him otherwise?"

Kono didn't quite see the connection. "But you didn't live with him. Who cares if his house is a pig sty?"

"You don't get it- the guy was like that everywhere. As his partner, I had to ride with him. Day shift." Pulling on a pair of gloves, Danny lifted the sleeve gingerly and observed a faint needle mark in the woman's arm. "So that meant we had to clean the car out for night shift. And since George never threw anything away, ever, and since I was the junior partner, that delightful little chore fell to me." Danny heaved in a small breath, remembering the routine. "Every. Single. Day."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Rolling the body slightly, Danny checked the partially-dried blood pool on the concrete floor. Max's autopsy report would be interesting. "Anyway, after two weeks of asking him to take out his own trash, I finally went to the sergeant and put in a request for a transfer. End up in New York not long after that."

"Speaking of partners…" Kono pointed a gloved hand toward the doorway and Danny saw that Steve had finally arrived at the scene. "You gonna tell Neat-freak Bossman about your little passenger, or can I?"

Danny considered this a moment. "Neither. I want him to find out for himself. Can you keep a secret?"

Kono flashed a wicked grin. "As long as I get to hear all about it later."

"Deal."

 **A/N: Wrote it as a one-shot initially, but decided to split it into chapters. Short, happy little chapters.**


	2. Chapter 2: Steve

**A/N: Sorry this is late! This week, we have Steve's reaction to George.**

 _An office in Kaneohe on windward side of Oahu. Danny has given Kono a ride over to the crime scene in his neighbor's car. Kono is not impressed with the small creature living in the glovebox._

"Hey," Steve greeted Danny and stopped at the sight of the dead woman. "Our Midnight Stalker again?"

"Looks that way." Crouched beside the body, Danny rifled through her clothing looking for any trace evidence the perpetrator might have left behind. They'd had three other cases in the past few months and the only similarities were that the victims were smaller than average and worked a late shift on the windy side of the island. "Janice Schulz. Bookkeeper for the office here."

"Not usually a late shift job." Steve circled the woman and adjusted his holster subconsciously. "Why was she here so long after hours?"

"Not sure. Kono's interviewing her coworkers now." From the corner of his eye, Danny caught Steve giving him a quizzical once-over. "What?"

"I didn't see your car in the lot."

"That's because my car isn't in the lot." Danny didn't bother to elaborate. He felt Steve's eyes on him as he made a show of examining the wounds on the woman's torso. "Look at these stab wounds. They're all fairly shallow."

Steve barely glanced at where Danny was pointing. "So where is it?"

"Where's what?"

"Your car, D."

"In the shop."

"How'd you get here?"

"A loaner." Danny pressed his lips tightly together, determined not to grin. Making the man fish for answers was half the fun. Twisting his head, he could see his partner staring blankly into space as he mentally sorted through the cars in the parking lot and tried to decide which one belonged to Danny.

"The red Honda?" Steve tried.

His capacity for near-photographic memory was astounding, if irritating at times. "No."

"The green Jeep."

"No."

Steve sighed and thought some more. Then his brow suddenly furrowed. His nose wrinkled and he pursed his lips in evident disdain. "Not the blue Geo," he tried hopefully.

"That's the one."

" _That_ 's your loaner?"

"Yup."

Across the room, Kono was grinning as she followed the exchange.

"For how long?" Steve asked with dread in his voice.

"Until my car is fixed."

"Which is…?"

Danny shrugged. "They'll call me when it's ready."

Steve frowned and pressed his lips tightly together in clear disapproval.

"Oh, it's not that bad," Danny chided in his Parenting Voice. "You can try it out on our way back to the station. It parks like a charm." He watched Steve carefully. As expected, the man had other ideas.

"Actually, I rode over with Chin," Steve hedged, clearly intending to take the same ride back.

"I've got plenty of room in my car."

"I left my water bottle in Chin's car."

"Since when do you carry a water bottle?"

"I always carry a water bottle."

That was a lie, but Danny shrugged it off. "So just throw it in my car before we leave."

While Steve tried to concoct some excuse for why that wouldn't work, Kono appeared suddenly at their side. "Sorry, boss!" she said apologetically. "Cuz and I have to stop by Auntie's on the way back. She's not doing so well, you know?" She patted Steve sympathetically on the arm while surreptitiously winking at Danny. "We'll see you two back at the Palace."

Steve deflated.

Danny grinned openly.

This was going to be fun.

…

"What the-" Barely two minutes into the ride, Steve jerked away suddenly, slamming his body into the back of the seat as the car's third passenger made an abrupt appearance. "What the _hell_ is that?"

"Oh. Yeah." Danny had been hoping for an impressive reveal, and George didn't disappoint. Catching his friend's surprised and somewhat unpleasant expression, Danny masked his snort as a short cough. "I see you've met George."

"George."

"Yes." Danny was driving the car, which hadn't taken much convincing after Steve had seen it up close. Apparently his partner was only a control freak when it came to pristine, expensive sport cars. Driving an old, dinged-up, blue beach buggy didn't interest the ex-SEAL in the slightest, and he had slumped low in the passenger seat as though embarrassed to be seen in it. There, his knees scrunched against the dash, he had somehow knocked the glovebox and the door had popped open, surprising him with George.

"You have a cockroach," Steve pointed out unnecessarily.

"Yes."

"In your glovebox."

"I can see that." Danny wished Kono could be here for this moment. He really needed to have Steve's expression memorialized on camera.

"There's something wrong with you." Steve's face was stuck somewhere between alarmed and horrified.

"That's my line."

"I'm serious, D. You're smiling like you enjoy this. There's something wrong with you."

Oops. Danny quickly masked his smirk into a tight-lipped grimace. "Why is there something wrong with _me_?" he gestured in protest. "And what do you have against the roach? Are you prejudiced against cockroaches, Steven?" Danny almost snorted as Steve puffed up in the seat next to him. Sometimes, pushing the Navy man's buttons was just too easy.

"It's a roach, Danny," Steve leaned forward and tried to snatch 'George' as it scurried away from the light. "I'm not prejudiced; it's a roach."

"Hey!" Danny swerved slightly at this sudden movement. "What are you doing?"

"Getting rid of it," Steve growled, pawing deeper into the box where George had slithered under the owner's manual. "That thing is unsanitary."

"That 'thing' has a name. George. And don't get rid of it. He's not bothering you."

"That 'thing' cannot be insulted," Steve shot back, most of his arm now swallowed by the dash. "It doesn't have feelings. It doesn't know if I call it Greg, Gloria, or Disgusting Insect."

"But _I_ will know if you call it Disgusting Insect."

Steve stopped what he was doing and fixed Danny with a piercing stare. "You are emotionally attached to this bug."

"I am not emotionally attached to him," Danny protested.

"You've given it a name and a home. You don't want me to kill it. You're attached."

Danny bit back his initial retort and tried to decide how to best proceed. Selling the lie was proving to be far easier than he anticipated. Keeping George alive, however, would be the tricky part. "I just think that you should leave well enough alone," he said slowly as he pulled onto the H3 ramp. "George isn't bothering you; ergo, don't bother him."

"He is definitely bothering me."

"You can't even see him," Danny pointed to the dark cubby where George had disappeared. "How exactly is he bothering you?"

"His presence. Knowing that he's there."

Danny rolled his eyes. "Fine, how's this: George isn't hurting you, so you can't hurt him. The classic school-yard rule of self-defense. That's how things normally work in this world."

" 'Normally?' Danny, there is something pathologically wrong with you if you think anything about this is normal."

"Just because it's abnormal, doesn't make it wrong." Danny adjusted his shirt collar- a habit he had picked up when he abandoned wearing a tie- and shot Steve a pointed look. "Besides, he's serving a very useful purpose."

"And that would be…?" Steve questioned, still poised on the edge of his seat in case the cockroach reappeared. "Enlighten me."

"George is keeping you from storing grenades in my neighbor's glovebox."

"I wouldn't-"

"Oh yes, you would, and don't deny it. It's one thing in my car, but I can't let you use my neighbor's car as your private weapon's locker. George here," Danny gestured to the insect, which had reappeared and was peeking cautiously out from behind an old coke bottle, "is a natural grenade deterrent."

Steve opened his mouth to argue, but suddenly started and jumped back in his seat.

"What now?" Danny asked irritably.

"It hissed at me!"

"It did not hiss at you. Cockroaches don't hiss…" but a fresh look at the large, brown insect standing defiantly in the doorway of the glovebox cast doubt on this idea. "Okay, so maybe it did hiss. But it's harmless."

"It's a menace," Steve hissed back at it and scooted further away in his seat. "It's a menace and it needs to go."

…

Steve bailed as soon as the car pulled into the Palace parking lot, jumping out and slamming the door behind him before the car completely stopped. Trying not to laugh, Danny climbed out after him.

"Yo! Wait up!" he called, jogging slightly to catch up as his partner stalked toward the Palace. "Geez, what's your rush?"

"We've got a killer to find," Steve bit out, yanking open the lobby door.

"Huh," Danny followed him into the mailroom. "And here I thought you were afraid of George."

"What?"

"You clearly don't like him." Danny bounced on the balls of his feet while he waited for Steve to finish checking their mailbox. "I think you're afraid of him."

"Danny, I am a Navy SEAL." Crossing his arms, Steve drew himself up to his full height and fixed Danny with a stare that he normally reserved for criminals in their interrogation room in the basement. "I have faced down terrorists and eaten scorpions and cleared underground bunkers and traversed deserts in the most remote parts of the world. I've survived horrors you can't even imagine. I am _not_ afraid of a cockroach."

"Uh huh," Danny turned away with a shrug that he knew would infuriate his partner even more. "That's okay, Steve. Your secret is safe with me." He headed for the stairs.

"There is no secret!" Steve bellowed after him.

 **A/N: I'm less happy with this chp, but I've re-read it many times and I'm just not sure what to fix. Hope Steve's reaction didn't disappoint.**

 **Saturday we get to see Chin and Gracie!**


	3. Chapter 3: Chin

**A/N: Two short chapters today. Be sure to read Chp. 4 for Grace.**

"So brah… about George."

Chin's overly-cautious statement was not a promising start for the conversation. Danny sighed as they pulled out of the parking lot and into traffic on King Street. "I know, I know- it's a cockroach in a glovebox." He turned right, heading toward Diamond Head to interview a potential witness in their current investigation. "It's an abomination, an affront to nature, and the car should be burned, drowned, bombed, and then nuked for good measure."

"Actually, I just wanted to ask a question."

"Oh." Danny glanced at him, but Chin's face only expressed a mild curiosity and faint traces of amusement. "Right. Sorry, man."

Actually, the older man's reaction at meeting George had been surprisingly calm. Too calm. Had Kono warned him about the creature living in his glovebox? Danny doubted it. Kono would have wanted to know his reaction, much like she had been delighted with Danny's recounting of Steve's experience. No, Chin was Chin, and Chin was Zen. The cockroach didn't faze him at all.

"What happens if you find out that 'George' is actually 'Georgina?'"

Danny hadn't actually given any thought to this, but the answer wasn't hard. "I'll just name it Gina."

"Okay." Chin seemed satisfied by this answer and sat back comfortably in his seat, ignoring the third passenger perched on the plastic in front of him. A moment later, George scurried back into the dark and disappeared.

A serene calm settled over the car and, seeing that no more arguments would come of it, Danny relaxed somewhat. "Thanks man. For not judging."

"Oh, I'm judging, brah," Chin threw a rare grin in his direction. "I just know when to keep it to myself," he added with a wink.


	4. Chapter 4: Grace

"Uncle Steve! Thanks for picking me up!"

Grinning, Steve opened his arms to accept her flying leap as she jumped the last few steps at the front of the school. "You're very welcome, Gracie," he said as he opened her door and deposited the backpack in the rear seat, "but why?"

He'd been in the middle of reviewing traffic cam footage with Kono when he got the text from Grace asking if he could please pick her up after school. _And don't tell Danno I asked you_ , the following message had requested. Mystified, Steve had called the school to make sure everything was okay, and then had concocted some excuse for Danny. Since Danny was still out following up on leads with Chin, it wasn't hard to offer to pick the girl up himself.

"Well…" Grace fumbled for a moment with the seat belt, then hesitated. "You've ridden in Danno's new car, right?"

"That ancient, nasty, trash-ridden heap of garbage? Yeah."

Grace smirked but didn't giggle. "So you've met George?"

"We've met," Steve acknowledged vaguely.

"Well," Grace began solemnly, "George and I don't really get along." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "He scares me."

"Want to know something, Grace?"

"What?"

Steve lowered his voice to a whisper. "He scares me, too."

That elicited a giggle from the girl. "Uncle Steve! You can't be scared by a _bug_! You're a SEAL!"

"So SEALs can't be scared of cockroaches?"

"No!" she giggled again.

Grinning, Steve deliberately spun his tires on the hot asphalt as they pulled away from the school. "Where to?"

"It's Monday, so I have cheer practice and then Mommy picks me up for Aloha Girls. And I go home with her."

"So you don't see Danno again until…?"

"Thursday."

"Ah." Three days to get rid of the car or the cockroach… or preferably both. "How long does your dad have that car?" he asked, turning toward Waikiki where he knew she had cheer practice. If he was lucky, Danny would have the Camaro back before Thursday and he wouldn't have to worry about it any more.

"I dunno. Until his car is fixed."

Steve nodded. He hadn't expected a precise answer, but it had been worth a try. "So you don't like Danno's new wheels?"

"No. It's gross." Nose wrinkled, Grace looked around the interior of the truck, fully appreciating the cleanliness and lack of clutter. "I don't know why he couldn't get a normal car like this."

Steve didn't know why, either. He would've been happy to chauffeur Danny around until his car was fixed- he practically did that anyway- but he knew Danny valued his independence, which was likely the driving factor behind the decision to have a car of his own. "Grace, what if… what if George went away? Would that be better?"

"Yes," she said immediately.

"You sure? The car would still be messy and smelly and nasty."

"I don't care. I just don't like cockroaches. It's okay if the car is messy. I mean, it's not, but…"

Steve grinned as the little girl in the seat next to him tried to reason through the situation.

"I just don't want to be trapped where George can get me," she finally decided.

"Well, I think I can fix things so that doesn't happen."

"Really?"

"Really," the SEAL promised.

 **A/N: Short and sweet. Next week: Can Steve keep his promise to Grace?**

 **Thanks for all the reviews! Who knew a 'little' cockroach would be so popular?**


	5. Chapter 5: First Attempt

**A/N: Sorry for delay in posting. Was out of town, but I'm back and so is George the Cockroach for more shenanigans.**

It didn't take much work to convince the rest of the team (minus Danny) that George needed to be eliminated from the picture. A hasty plan was thrown together and Steve sent Danny to get the reports from Max before pulling the rest of the team into the war room.

"I don't understand why we need physical reports, Steven," the detective grumbled on his way out the door. "Email was invented for a reason."

"Trust me, Danny- it's important."

Danny rolled his eyes. He didn't notice Steve gesturing surreptitiously to the others as he left.

Steve waited until he was sure Danny was gone. Then he moved to the large computer in the center of the room.

"This is our target," he said, pulling up a picture of a cockroach on the smartboard. "We've all met 'George' and we've all seen the car. I agree with Danny- the car isn't our property, so we can't do much to it. But 'George' is a pest. He needs to go."

Kono nodded in agreement, but Chin seemed hesitant.

"I don't know, man. I'm kind of with Danny on this one. Live and let live."

Kono fixed him with a withering glare.

"The cockroach isn't hurting anyone," Chin continued with a shrug, unfazed.

"But it _is_ scaring Grace." Steve felt a strong, protective instinct toward the girl. "If we don't help- if _you_ don't help- you'll be letting her down. She doesn't want to ride in the car with Danny, and she even went so far as to text me to pick her up from school."

Kono hummed in sympathy.

"And," Steve reminded needlessly, "this is a dictatorship, so the only choice you get is how you want to get rid of it."

"Let Operation Extermination begin!" Kono exclaimed before Chin could protest, and with a bit more enthusiasm than necessary.

…

"Operation Extermination won't work as a code name," Chin said a few minutes later. Steve had stepped out to take a phone call, apparently the governor, forcing their clandestine meeting to take an unscheduled pause. Now, as they reconvened around the computer, Chin's first priority was to point out the flaws in the plan. "Danny will know something's up if we say _Operation Extermination is a go_. We need a name we can use around him. Something that won't stand out."

"Why do we need a name, anyway?" Steve asked. To him, code names were for real missions, the ones he trained for with the SEALs, running grueling drills with his team under extreme conditions. This was a cockroach. "We're just getting rid of a bug."

"We're engaging in a clandestine operation to eliminate a threat deep within enemy territory." Kono's version sounded far more thrilling. "We have to have a code name."

"So what do you suggest? Operation Fluffy Bunny?"

"The hibiscus is the state flower. What about Operation Hibiscus?" Chin suggested. "It doesn't sound anything like a cockroach, but we can use the same terminology: _did you get the Hibiscus?_ It just sounds like you're getting flowers for Auntie's garden. Or: _no, the hibiscus didn't make it._ "

Steve nodded. "I like it. Operation Hibiscus is a go. Chin, you make the first attempt as soon as Danny gets back. I'll distract him with this report from the governor. You sneak out there and get rid of the beast."

…

It was dark before Chin had a good opportunity to sneak out to the car and search for 'George.' Steve's initial plan had fallen through when Chin pointed out that they needed the car keys since he was not as proficient as his colleagues in picking locks. With the first opportunity lost, Steve had scrambled to prepare for a second. "Let's go get supper for everyone," had been his suggestion, and then volunteered his truck for the ride, quietly swiping Danny's keys from his pocket when the detective was otherwise occupied.

Keys and flashlight in hand, Chin crouched in the parking lot, his phone on speaker as Kono kept a lookout from the office window above.

"Any sign of them?" he asked, rummaging through the glovebox.

"Not yet. Any sign of George?"

Chin gingerly lifted a stained envelope and shone his flashlight into the deep crevice of the glovebox. "Not yet." Nudging the pile of papers, he tried to shift some of the junk without having to unload everything. It wasn't the reek of garbage or mysterious stains that he minded as much as Danny's potential wrath if he found out what they'd been up to. Given Danny's skills as a detective, Chin wasn't quite sure if Danny would notice if something in the car was out of place, even though the vehicle wasn't technically his and was a absolute mess.

"Quit playing hide and seek with it and empty the car if you have to," Kono grumbled from the window above.

"Would _you_ like to try?" Chin huffed, straining as he now peered behind the carpet under the dash. "We can always trade places." He paused as a sudden movement caught his eye. "Wait… Found him!"

Abandoning the flashlight, Chin dove for the small, brown insect, trapping it in his hands as it prepared to scurry out of sight.

"Good because they're coming back."

"How far out?" Chin cupped his hands tighter as the roach squirmed in his grasp, trying to escape.

"The traffic light. You've got twenty seconds, max."

Leaving the door wide open and praying the traffic signal would stay red just a few seconds longer, Chin darted across the lawn to a large grove of trees. "Sorry, George, but you've got to go," Chin muttered a hasty apology and threw him out into the dark. Hurrying back to the car, he grabbed the flashlight and phone, slammed the glovebox door closed, locked the car, and made a dash for the Palace doors.

Steve's truck pulled into the lot a few seconds after.

Chin leaned against the stairs, breathing heavily. Then he straightened, dusted off his clothes, and walked casually up to the office. The deed was done; the roach was gone.

That was the end of that.


	6. Chapter 6: Second Attempt

**A/N: You didn't think it would be that easy, of course!**

"What the heck, cuz?" Kono hissed as she washed her hands in the break room after arriving back from their latest crime scene. The killer had struck again and, as with the last victim, there were few leads and no good witnesses.

Steve and Chin stayed behind to piece together what had happened, leaving Kono and Danny to follow up with shop and business owners in the area in an attempt to find potential video footage of the incident. So far, no luck, and they had come back to the Palace for a lunch break before trying again. On the ride back, however, the roach, or 'Danny's Disturbing Little Friend,' as Kono had named it, had darted out from under the seat and actually tried to climb her leg before she shook it free and it scurried away under a pile of trash.

"I thought you got rid of it!" More upset than angry, she scrubbed her arms rigorously to wash away the perceived contamination left behind by the ride. "What is it still doing there?"

"I _did_ get rid of it," Chin protested in a low voice. "Maybe it's a different roach? There's never only one, you know."

"No, this was _definitely_ 'George'." Kono shuddered. "How did you get rid of it, anyway?"

Chin proceeded to tell Kono how he had thrown it into the trees.

Kono rolled her eyes. "You're a big softie, you know that? You should have stomped on it. You can't just turn it loose: of course it'll come back! You have to kill it!"

"Have to kill what?" Danny appeared in the doorway with an armful of drinks. "Steve's got food," he added unnecessarily, depositing the goods on the table. "So what are you killing?" he asked again.

"Mosquitos," Kono recovered smoothly. "Chin just wants to shoo them out of the house."

Danny shook his head. "Won't work, man. You gotta zap the life out of them. Only way to stay safe."

"Exactly," Kono agreed. She winked at Chin. "Like I said: death is the only answer."

…

Steve was elected for the next attempt. Or, rather, he lost 3 straight rounds of Rock, Paper, Scissors to Kono when she refused to arm wrestle as a means of deciding who would go next.

Not that it mattered. Steve knew the little monster would be dead before supper. Having taken out high-profile targets in dangerous areas around the world, he was more than certain he could kill a cockroach that couldn't shoot back. In fact, he was practically cock-y (ha!) about it. He chuckled to himself as he flipped a can of roach spray in his hand and headed down the stairs for _Operation Hibiscus: Round 2._

Their current case played into his plans perfectly: after receiving word that Kamekona might have news on their killer, Steve sent Kono and Danny in Kono's car to follow up while he and Chin remained behind to sort out 'other leads.'

The pair had left a few minutes ago and Steve hurried down to the parking lot, armed with several cans of high-powered roach spray, gloves, a face mask, a baggie, and paper towels. He surreptitiously glanced around the lot before jimmying the lock open. Prepping one of the 'roach grenades,' as he had named the cans, he threw open the glovebox and sprayed blindly inside. Then, equipped with paper towels and thick rubber gloves, he unloaded the brimming contents of the compartment piece-by-piece into the passenger seat.

But 'George' wasn't there.

Steve looked around in consternation. Where had the little devil run off to?

He glanced up to catch Chin watching him from the upstairs window and shrugged. Holding a second can of roach spray at the ready, Steve made a thorough search of the car- or as best as he could do without making it obvious- but after a long and fruitless search, he finally gave up. Annoyed at George's disappearing act, he coated the entire inside of the car with the spray and slammed the door a little harder than necessary before coming inside.

Chin met him at the bottom of the stairs. "Well?"

"Nothing."

"It's like he knows we were coming." Chin followed him down to the locker room. "Did you leave everything the way it was? No point in upsetting Danny."

"Yeah." Or as best as he could, which meant cramming all the papers back into the glovebox and hoping Danny wouldn't notice that it didn't close all the way. Stripping down, Steve stepped into the shower and turned the water as hot as it would go. "But it might smell," he added, thinking of the entire can of roach spray. He could smell the stuff on his clothing and skin and was thankful he'd brought a change of clothes.

"Can't be any worse than what it smelled like already," Chin commented and went upstairs.

Steve stayed behind to scrub the filth of the car and scent of bug spray out of his skin. It took twenty long minutes of scalding water to convince himself that the final traces had been washed away.

…

When Danny left later that evening, Steve and Chin made sure to leave at the same time. Chin turned off the lights, Steve locked the office, and both men walked slowly down to the parking lot. As they approached Danny's car, Steve made an effort to chat casually, but found himself distracted as his eyes searched the dark interior of the vehicle. The conversation drifted on without him.

"What's with you?"

"What?" Startled, Steve turned his full attention to Danny. He realized from the detective's face that he had missed something important.

"I just said I want to go caving in a lava tube this weekend."

"Oh?" It took Steve a moment to catch up.

"You said, ' _Good for you, Danno_.'"

"Oh."

"No. No, not good for me. I hate caves. I hate tight spaces. I have claustrophobia, remember?"

"Oh. Right." _Oops._

Beside Steve, Chin lightly bumped his elbow and nodded.

A dark shape popped out of the crack between the back seats and scuttered across the cloth seat toward the window.

"So why are you going caving?" Steve made an effort to focus.

"I'm _not_ , you big goof. I just said that to see if you were paying attention. Which you clearly aren't."

"I am now." Except he wasn't completely. From the corner of his eye, he watched the roach emerge from the shadows into the light near the window. Then it scurried up onto an old McDonald's cup, paused, then darted under a plastic bag.

"Hey!" Danny brought Steve's attention back with a snap of fingers in his face. "Earth to Spaceman Steve! What is with you today?" Exasperated, he waved off Steve's apology with one hand as he unlocked the door and slid inside. "You know what? Tell me tomorrow. I'm going home." He closed the door and waved through the open window. "Good night, Steven."

"Night, Danny."

Chin watched the car back up, then speed out of the lot. "There's only so much you can do, brah," he said stoically as Danny and George drove away. "You did what you could."

"Too bad it wasn't enough," Steve muttered.

 **A/N: I realize George would have lots and lots of siblings in real life, but he seemed like a solitary character in this story. Having a single villain seemed to fit better. Though maybe George's family could show up for a sequal?**


	7. Chapter 7: Third Attempt

**A/N: I know, 2 weeks. A bit of writer's block. Also, had trouble uploading. Guess the site has been down a lot recently? Glad you all are still enjoying this little story. Two chapters left, plus maybe an epilogue.**

"Did you do something to my car?"

"Good morning, Danny. How are you? I'm fine, thanks for asking." Steve closed the laptop and gestured his partner inside the office as Danny rolled his eyes. "What's up?"

"Did you do something to my car yesterday?" the detective repeated.

 _Ah crap_. "What do you mean?" Steve hoped his expression reflected genuine confusion and not guilt.

"It smells funny."

 _Well duh._ "Maybe that's because it's full of trash?" Steve offered helpfully.

Danny shook his head. "No. No, it's like a… a chemical kind of smell. Harsh, you know?"

Steve cast a glance at the waste basket to make sure the custodian had disposed of the empty roach spray cans last night. "Danny, there's all kinds of crap in that car. Maybe two old bottles spilled out on the floor, mixed together and produced toxic fumes. Maybe some piece of trash is getting smelly as it degrades. I mean," Steve gestured for good measure, "there could be chemical weapons in there and you wouldn't know it." The car _was_ a chemical weapon, he added to himself.

"Yeah, maybe," Danny sounded doubtful.

"I'm sure it's nothing."

"Yeah…"

"Any leads on our shooter?" Steve asked to distract him.

"Believe it or not, yes." Whipping a finger toward the smart table, Danny began to update Steve on their latest findings. There was something about traffic cams and partial prints and a potential lead in Lanikai, but Steve had trouble following it all.

His mind was on other, more important matters.

Like when he could sneak back out to the car to find (and kill) a certain cockroach.

…

But there was no need to search for the cockroach; George made his own appearance later that afternoon, much to the disgust of Grace and Kono who happened to be there to witness it.

Neither of the girls was pleased with the men's failed efforts, and Kono immediately cornered Steve as soon as Danny wasn't around and made her disappointment abundantly clear. But the tongue-lashing he received from the rookie was nothing compared to the sad disappointment of one little Grace Williams.

"I thought you were going to get rid of it," Grace frowned sadly, eyeing the glovebox with distrust. Despite being seated behind Steve, who was serving as the first (and only) line of defense between her and the roach's command post inside the glove compartment, she was still wary of a sudden appearance of the large, brown insect. "You promised."

"Yes. Yes, I did promise, and I still intend to keep that promise," Steve nodded. He bent forward to look out the window and check Danny's progress inside the convenience store. Danny was buying burgers for the cookout that Steve hoped would make up for his broken promise to Gracie. "Things just got a bit… complicated."

"Uh huh." Grace eyed him skeptically with a look _very_ reminiscent of her father. "Did you try?"

"Did I try? Of course I tried, sweetie. But roaches are very tough. They're some of the toughest creatures in the world. They can survive extreme temperatures and extreme pressure, go for weeks without food, and survive high doses of radiation."

"So they're like insect SEALs?"

"Something like that." In researching how to go about killing George after the previous evening's failure, Steve had learned far more than he ever wanted to know about the cockroach's ability to endure pretty much anything. His research hadn't given him any new ideas for dealing with the problem, but he now had a very healthy appreciation for George's proficiency at survival.

Grace was less impressed. She fidgeted in the backseat, peering anxiously around Steve's chair in case George emerged and somehow escaped the SEAL's grasp. She had clearly been not at all pleased when George had appeared earlier and she had realized that the mission to eliminate George had failed. Now she let her disappointment show with a slight _hmm_ that was very reminiscent of her mother.

"It'll be okay, though," Steve told Grace as Danny exited the shop with several plastic bags in hand. "Kono's up next and she has a plan." Or at least, he hoped she did.

…

"Grace, when you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." Laying a hand on Grace's shoulder, Kono smiled and waved to the boys as they drove away. It was after dinner, the sun was dropping over the beach, and a cool breeze had taken up residence in the trees.

Guiltlessly using Grace's desire for ice cream to her advantage, Kono had convinced Steve and Danny to drive to the store in Steve's truck after supper, giving her a good fifteen minutes with the car and the soon-to-be-deceased George all to herself.

 _"Eliminate with extreme prejudice,"_ were the last words Steve muttered in her ear before sliding behind the wheel of the truck and backing down the gravel drive.

Under the kitchen counter, Kono found a can of roach spray, a flashlight, and several fly swatters. Armed with these and a large trash bag, she stomped out to the car and threw open the door.

"Time to die, George."

…

"Don't think I don't know what you're up to."

Steve tried to look confused as he turned in his seat to frown at his partner. "What?" he asked innocently.

"I know exactly what you're doing."

"We're driving to the store to get ice cream for your daughter?" Steve tried. He felt his ears turning red and wished his hair were longer. He could lie convincingly under dangerous and difficult circumstances… why did his body have to betray him now? Maybe Danny wouldn't notice.

"Your ears are red."

 _Well dang._ Steve winced. "Danny, would you stop being a detective for a few seconds and just enjoy life? Your daughter wants ice cream. We're going to the store to get it. That's it."

"Uh huh," Danny smirked.

Steve felt the blush spread to his cheeks as guilt flushed his face. "Why does everything have to be so… so…" Steve searched for a word besides _guilty_. "… not innocent with you? Why does everyone have to have ulterior motives?"

"Um, because I know people, babe, and I know how they work. It's what makes me a good detective. I know that people don't just do things randomly. I know that Navy SEALs who plan even cookouts with meticulous detail don't forget the ice cream. I also know that the store is that way," and Danny pointed at the turn that Steve had just missed, "and you just passed the turn. Why are you feeling so guilty over ice cream?"

"I'm not."

"But you are." They made a U-turn and headed in the right direction. "It's okay, though- I already know."

"You- you do?" _How the heck could he know?_

"Yup." Danny settled back in his seat smugly.

"I can explain-"

"Oh, you don't have to explain, Steven," Danny waved dismissively, missing Steve's slight, nervous gulp. "You know what I think?"

 _That I'm dead meat?_ Steve pulled into the store parking lot. "What?"

"I think you feel guilty because your CO said something to you about your weight at the last Navy reserves training weekend."

"I… what?"

"You can't deny that you've been putting on some pounds," and Danny whacked Steve lightly across the stomach.

"I- I'm not… this isn't… what?"

Danny wagged his finger lightly in front of Steve's nose. "You want ice cream, but you feel guilty because you're not supposed to have any- you're probably on some special Navy diet regimen- so you convinced my daughter to get some for you."

"This is about ice cream?" Steve almost laughed in relief. "You think I feel guilty about a little ice cream?"

"I don't _think_ it, babe- I _know_ it." Danny jumped lightly out of the truck and locked the door. "What flavor do you want, anyway?"

"Uh, vanilla. Just plain vanilla."

"Figures."

…

Killing a roach was easier said than done. If Kono had several hours, she would've opened the door and simply waited for George to appear. Efficient, though not very quick.

But Kono didn't have several hours. She barely had fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes to turn over every heap of trash in the car, find the roach, and squash it.

Cautiously, she opened the door and slid into the passenger seat. Grace, who had followed her out to the car, peeked in over her shoulder, then backed away.

Kono winked at her. "Don't worry- I'll get George before he gets you."

"That's what Uncle Steve said," Grace replied solemnly. She took another step back.

"I don't think Uncle Steve knew what he was doing," Kono replied.

Grace only shook her head.

Gripping the fly swatter tightly, Kono eased the glovebox door open. She flashed her light inside. George wasn't visible between the layers of paper and tag renewal notices, so Kono pulled a stack out, dumped them in the driver's seat, and dug in further. Grace crept closer, keeping a wary eye for any sign of movement.

"Is he in there?" she ventured after several minutes.

"I don't think so." Kono pawed at the back of the glovebox, wishing she'd worn gloves. "Maybe he took a walk."

"Maybe," Grace remained unconvinced.

Giving up, Kono reached for the bug spray. "Maybe we can keep him from coming back?" she winked. Uncapping the bottle, she aimed for the dark recess under the dash.

George chose that moment to appear.

Grace screamed.

Slipping out of a crack between the glovebox and the dash, George darted across the radio and headed for the steering wheel. Kono smacked the dash with the bottle and the fly swatter as George zig-zagged across the plastic, throwing trash left and right as she pursued him into the floor. Making a U-turn somewhere under the seat, George then popped up on top of the trash and bolted for the door where Grace stood frozen, a horrified expression on her face.

Kono threw herself on top of the trash, scattering take-out containers and sending the roach scuttering under the nearest cover.

Grace let out a shriek and darted across the yard to hide behind a tree.

Nearly swimming in the pile of trash, Kono plunged the bottle of roach spray into the mess and let loose, hoping it would at least slow George enough that she could capture and kill it.

"Kill it!" Grace yelled from the distant safety of the yard. She brandished a large stick defensively at the car. "Squish it! Stomp on it! Crush it!"

"I'm trying!" Kono yelled back.

…

Two blocks away, Danny suddenly grabbed Steve's arm. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Steve frowned.

Danny leaned his head out the open window. "I heard… I _thought_ I heard… maybe…" He cocked his head, listening closely. "You know what? Never mind." He pulled his head back in. "Keep driving."

Steve shook his head.

…

"They're coming!"

The bottle of bug spray was empty. The car sported a new crack in the dash, a long scratch down the stained upholstery, and a thin scar across the center console. George had completely disappeared.

"Hurry!" Grace pleaded as the blue truck swung around the corner at the end of the street.

Kono plunged out of the car, slammed the door shut, and locked it. She leaned against the side, panting, as Grace emerged cautiously from the safety of the tree.

The little girl cocked her head. "You have a French fry in your hair."

Kono combed her fingers through her hair. The French fry fell to the ground and she kicked it under a bush.

Grace peered around her at the car. "Did you get him?"

Kono shook her head.

Grace frowned in disappointment and sighed.

 **A/N: Two chapters left (and an epilogue). Then I'm taking a hiatus. I've got pieces for other stories written, including a humorous short called "Community Service", a Steve whump titled "The Lighthouse," a Danny whump titled "The Swimmer," and a more serious sequel to "The Bunker." But, it's spring, swim season will start as soon as the river warms up, and life is a bit crazy, so I'm putting those and others on hold. Hoping to come back in the fall since this is what gets me through the long winter months (or sooner if I get bored.)**


	8. Chapter 8: The Last Two Attempts

**A/N: I realize that Jerry doesn't appear until Season 4 when Grace is a bit older, but the scene didn't work otherwise.**

"For the record, I'm just going say, _I told you so._ " Smirking, Steve folded his arms and nodded as Kono recounted her unsuccessful attempt to rid the world of George the previous night. "Chin and I both said how tricky he was, didn't we, Chin?"

Her cousin nodded, a twinkle in his eyes. "Can't say we didn't warn you, cuz. And I think you owe us an apology."

"For what?"

"For making us out to be idiots."

Kono rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'm sorry. I did not expect it to be this hard to kill a little cockroach."

"Apology accepted," Steve said graciously. "So what now?"

"I think you should try again, boss. After all, you have more experience than the rest of us at this sort of thing."

Steve raised an eyebrow at that comment, but let it slide when Chin nodded in agreement. "She has a point, Steve: you've had plenty of hand-to-hand, close-quarters combat training. Kono and I don't quite have your skill set."

"Dispatching terrorists and killing a cockroach are two different things," Steve pointed out. "Those aren't equivalent skill sets."

"They're at least related."

"Really? So in your expert opinion, Officer Kalekaua, what am I supposed to do differently this time?"

"I don't know, but you better think of something. Grace is counting on you." Kono patted him lightly on the arm as she left his office. "Just give the signal and I'll distract Danny for you."

Steve was given no choice but to relent as Danny entered, bringing the conversation to an abrupt end. This time, he vowed, he would be successful. Failure was not an option.

…

" _Operation Hibiscus._ " Jerry felt a thrill of excitement as he hurried downstairs to his office in the basement of the Five-0 building. Real field work didn't come his way very often, which made this a rare and special occasion. When Commander McGarrett first approached him about the assignment, Jerry thought it was a joke.

 _"You're kidding, right? I mean, I know I don't exactly fit in with you guys, but…"_

 _"It's not a joke, Jerry," McGarrett assured him. "This is a very serious mission_. _Kono, Chin, and I have all tried and failed. We were hoping you might be up to the task."_

Of course Jerry was up to the task.

"Jerry Ortega Saves Five-0," he murmured the prospective newspaper headline to himself. "No, no, _Special Consultant Ortega_ _Saves Five-0_." He unlocked his office. "Too cheesy?" he asked the clipping of Robert Kennedy on the wall. "Yeah," he nodded. " _Special Consultant Ortega Defends Five-0 Against Deadly Cockroach,_ " he amended as he rummaged through his filing cabinet for supplies.

Commander McGarrett hadn't actually explained what was particularly difficult or deadly about this particular cockroach; he'd been rather tight-lipped about the details, which meant it must be classified, but Jerry had come up with a few ideas. It was no secret that Oahu boasted more military bases per square mile than any other state, and military personnel made up a large portion of the population. Most of what happened on base was pretty straightforward, with Pacific defense heading the top of the list, but Jerry had files about other things. Darker things. Secret experiments in the depths of supposedly-abandoned bunkers. Genetic testing. Mutations.

Jerry pulled out a thin manila folder and laid it carefully on his desk. It had been a while since he'd thought about the hidden laboratories and chemical testing that occurred under the very soil where he lived. But he could re-read the file later. First, though, the mission.

 _"It's simple," the intimidating ex-SEAL had told him. "All you have to do is find and kill a cockroach. And you have to do it without Danny catching you."_

 _Jerry looked around nervously. Danny was standing right outside McGarrett's office with Chin and Kono, discussing the latest developments in their serial-killer case. "Shouldn't we close the blinds?"_

 _McGarrett gave him a strange look._

 _"Oh… right," Jerry realized, "that would make him suspicious. Act casual. Got it."_

 _Of course, acting casual came more naturally to some people than to others. Steve had been leaning against his desk, arms folded, but gesturing once in a while as he explained what he wanted Jerry to do. To the outside observer, he might have been talking about weather._

 _Jerry didn't have a desk to lean against. He tried to lean on the couch instead, slipped, and ended up sitting on the floor. "Sorry," he muttered, brushing himself off. He sat on the couch. "So… you want me to kill a cockroach?" he recovered smoothly._

 _"Yes. And it's a big one."_

 _More evidence of illicit genetic experiments. Jerry tried to hide his excitement. "What color is it?"_

 _McGarrett threw him a quizzical expression. "Brown. You aren't bothered by cockroaches, are you?"_

A bit _, Jerry thought, but he couldn't say that to a toughened Navy SEAL. "No," he said instead._

 _"It's hiding in the glovebox of Danny's 'new' car," Steve explained. "Chin's the only one who's gotten close so far. You'll probably need bug spray and a good fly swatter."_

 _Luckily, Jerry had both. Cockroaches had been a common resident in his mother's basement, and they had also infiltrated his office at Five-0. He'd used traps to kill or drive off most of them, but it didn't stop a new roach from showing up every other week or so._

 _"Think you can do that?" Steve asked, now frowning as though he were re-thinking his decision._

 _"Oh yes. Yes sir, absolutely," Jerry said with an awkward salute. "Just one more question: Can I keep the corpse?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"The cockroach, when it's dead- can I keep it?"_

 _The commander made a face. "Knock yourself out."_

Jerry dug a small glass vial out of his desk. "Too small?" he pondered, rotating it in his hand. He imagined how big the roach might be if it _were_ an escaped genetic experiment. He grabbed a larger jar. Then, whistling the _Indiana Jones_ theme music, he took the other supplies and hurried upstairs.

…

"Hi, Jerry. What, ah…" Danny looked carefully around the larger man to be sure that he was seeing what he thought he saw. "What are you doing?"

The larger man jolted unpleasantly and tried to hide the trash bag behind him. _Tried_ , because there was no way to surreptitiously hide a large bag stuffed full of garbage. "Detective Williams, hello." His feet shifted unnecessarily on the hot asphalt as a red blush that had nothing to do with the heat crept slowly up his cheeks. "I, um… I'm… cleaning," he stammered evasively.

"Cleaning."

"Yeah." A lucky piece of paper tumbled across the asphalt toward them, and Jerry trapped it with his foot. "Cleaning," he repeated.

"Cleaning what?"

Jerry's eyes widened slightly in panic. "I'm cleaning the… the, um…" As his voice faltered, the wind caught the paper under his shoe, tugging gently, and he bent over to snatch it before it could fly away. "The parking lot. I'm cleaning the parking lot."

Even as he spoke, he sensed that Danny knew he was lying. Jerry cringed. Danny wasn't supposed to be here. Steve had been very clear on that account: _Make sure that Danny leaves first_. _Don't let him see you._ Danny was supposed to be with Max, looking at the latest body. Why was Danny here?

Flustered, Jerry crumpled the paper in his hand and quickly stuffed it into the plastic bag. "It looked dirty."

Danny looked around the relatively pristine lot. As usual, the bins were mostly empty and not a piece of trash was in sight. "Don't we have maintenance workers who clean this area?" As if to prove his point, a man in city-uniform overalls with a "Parks Department" lapel pushed a wheel barrow around the corner and began to place a new bag in the trash can by the front steps.

Jerry blinked. "Oh. Yeah."

Danny suddenly lifted his nose and sniffed gingerly.

"I don't smell anything," Jerry said automatically. He ignored the and noted the harsh, acrid odor coating the air around them.

"I didn't ask," replied the detective. He pointed at the bag of trash. "Where'd all that come from, anyway?"

"Um… around here," Jerry shrugged with a weak gesture at the parking lot.

"Are you sure it didn't come from… somewhere else?" Danny looked pointedly at the battered, blue car behind Jerry.

"Oh, I'm sure. I'm very sure."

"Mmm," Danny grunted. Stepping around the larger man, he pulled out his keys and carefully unlocked the front door. "Jerry, have you ever met my friend George?"

"No. Nope, never met him."

"Would you like to?"

Smelling a trap, Jerry took a few steps toward the Palace. "I'm kind of short on time today. Rain check?"

"Sure, sure," Danny agreed easily. He slid into the seat, almost started the engine, but then stopped. "Jerry?" he called through the open window.

"Yeah?"

"George isn't missing, is he?"

Jerry gave a curt, curly-haired shake.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah." Of _that_ Jerry was quite certain.

"Good. Because George is my friend and I would _hate_ for anything to happen to him." Danny fixed Jerry with a hard stare reminiscent of his partner. "And I certainly hope that no one would ever think to put you up to that task."

Jerry gulped.

Danny held his gaze for several uncomfortable moments. Then he thrust a hand out the window and waved. "Well, see you around, Jerry." Throwing the car into reverse, Danny pulled out of the lot.

Jerry remained rooted to the pavement. He let out a slow breath. _Close call_. Hefting the bag of trash over one shoulder, he returned slowly to the Palace.

…

"What the heck are you doing?"

Startled, Steve jumped up, smacking his head on the ceiling of the car. "Ow," he muttered, rubbing the sore spot where the metal frame had collided with his skull.

Sleeves rolled up against the persistent evening heat, Danny narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms impatiently. "I know you're up to something Steven. First Jerry, now you. Why are you in my car?"

Steve backed quickly away from the blue vehicle, wincing as his bare left foot landed on a sharp rock on the rough pavement. Danny followed him with a suspicious glare, peering into the back seat where Steve had emerged. Finding nothing apparently out of place, he turned his attention to his partner, who was shuffling awkwardly and definitely up to no good.

"What were you doing back there?" the blond detective demanded.

Steve blinked rapidly, unable to come up with a logical reply. He rubbed his head again. "I, um…" _So much for that career in Navy Intelligence,_ he chided himself. He hadn't intended to get caught- Kono should have warned him that Danny was coming. Still, he should be able to concoct some sort of decent explanation for being in the backseat of his partner's car… but Danny interrupted before he could finish formulating his response.

"And why are you barefoot?"

Technically, only on foot was shoeless, but this was inconsequential considering the circumstances. Steve started guiltily and his gaze jumped from the car to Danny's narrowed eyes to the shoe in his right hand. "I, ah…"

"How did you get in my car, anyway? I know you don't have keys."

Steve shifted his weight to his right foot and avoided looking at his cargo pocket where his lockpicking tools were stashed. "It, uh…"

"And did you put Jerry up to breaking into my car earlier? That's a criminal offense, in case you haven't noticed."

Steve grimaced. "He didn't…"

"Actually, you know what?" Danny waved off any explanation with a flap of his hand and stepped around Steve to close the door. "Never mind. I don't want to know."

That was a relief. Still struggling for a logical explanation in case Danny changed his mind, Steve stood stupidly in the parking lot as his friend stashed his coffee canister and lunch bag in the rear seat.

"I don't care what you were doing," Danny continued, closing the door. "It's the end of the day, I've clocked out, and I'm going home." Pushing his partner gently away from the vehicle, Danny slid into the driver's seat, started the car and backed out of the space. "Good night, Steven. See you tomorrow!"

Steve remaining standing where he was on his right leg, his bare foot hovering over the warm pavement as his partner drove away. He waved half-heartedly in return, then hobbled toward the lobby doors.

"Well?" Kono asked as soon as he stepped inside. "Is it dead?"

Steve shook his head.

Kono sighed.

 **A/N: I might edit this chapter and repost... I want Steve and Danny to have a longer scene in the parking lot, but I'm pretty close to being brain dead at this point. Headed out to go camping and clear my head. 1 chapter and an epilogue left!**


	9. Chapter 9: Grace

**A/N- sorry for the long delay. This chapter wraps up the saga of the cockroach, but I have a one-shot, Danny-whump that I'll be posting later as an alternative ending. Then I'll likely be on hiatus again for a while.**

Danny wasn't stupid: he knew how cockroaches worked. It was like rabbits, except with more legs and no fur. He wasn't sure what kinds of wild parties George had been hosting, but over the past few days, he'd seen four to five different roaches in the car, often at the same time. Why or how his friends didn't see them, he didn't know; perhaps they only saw what they wanted to see. Either way, the roaches had terrified Grace when two chased each other up her leg the other day, and Danny had had enough. The filth of the car had reached a point of no-return, a quagmire of critical mass, and Danny was ready to torch the thing and say it had been an accident. He wanted his Camaro back.

 _Tomorrow,_ he thought as he pulled into his neighborhood, trying not to hear the scurrying that had started to haunt him, _tomorrow I'll get my car and drop this piece of junk back at the neighbor's._

He hadn't told Grace. Instead, he hoped to surprise her when he picked her up from school. The thought of her excitement made him smile briefly.

Then a new, rancid odor wafted up to his nostrils from the piles of trash below, and he wrinkled his nose in displeasure. Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

…

A creak and something that sounded metallic startled Danny from his slumber late that night. He rolled over and squinted vaguely at the dark figure in his doorway. "Grace?" He rubbed his eyes, his brain struggling to catch up. "What are you doing up, monkey?"

"I'm sorry, Danno," Grace whispered, hovering in the doorway. "I didn't mean to wake you. I was just hungry."

"Oh." Danny reached for the light on his nightstand, missed, and knocked his cell phone to the floor instead. "Need me to make you something?" he grunted as he fumbled on the floor for the phone.

"No… it's okay, Danno, I can take care of myself." Slipping into the bedroom, she scooped up his phone, replaced it on the nightstand, and planted a quick kiss on his forehead. "I'm going to close the door so I don't bother you. Go back to sleep."

"M'kay," Danny agreed tiredly and rolled over. It didn't occur to him until later that Grace was wearing jeans, not her PJs.

…

Grace backed away from her dad's bedroom, breathing heavily. It had been a close call- _too close_ , she thought as she tiptoed down the hall to the kitchen. After her failed 'mission' with Aunt Kono, she'd spent some time reading about cockroaches and had decided that her father's friends were going about it all wrong. Cockroaches were most active at night; therefore, Grace reasoned, they should be hunted at night.

She fetched the flashlight from under the sink and the fly swatter and a few cans of bug spray. The keys were, like always, in a small dish on a table by the door.

Outside, the parking lot was bathed in an eerie, orange glow from the street lights as downtown Honolulu glittered in the distance. Long shadows lurked at the edges of the complex, hiding the stray cats and possibly other, more sinister things, and Grace waited a long time just outside the door before finally venturing into the parking lot in search of the beat-up blue car. She wished Danno were with her, but she wasn't sure he would approve of what she was about to do.

Grace found the car at the edge of the lot near the dumpster, and she almost smiled. She wouldn't have to worry quite as much about noise over here, far away from the main building where her father slept. Casting a furtive look behind her, she opened the passenger door and slipped inside, pulling the door shut behind her.

Squatting on the passenger seat, she looked around nervously. Only her seat and the driver's were lit, a dim, faded beam that fell through the window from a street light across the way. The rest of the interior was a dark swamp, the trash containers unidentifiable in the murky light, and Grace imagined countless cockroaches swimming through the filth around her.

She shuddered.

Uncle Steve had failed in this mission. But, she reasoned, just because he failed didn't mean he was scared. Nothing could scare Uncle Steve. And if he wasn't scared, she wouldn't be, either. Taking a deep breath, she finally switched on the flashlight and shone it around the car.

The swamp disappeared. The car was just a car; the trash was just trash.

But there was no roach in sight.

" _George?_ " she whispered. " _Are you in here?_ "

Of course George didn't respond.

Grace nudged the nearest pile of trash with her foot. " _George?_ " she whispered again, uncertainly. This wasn't quite how she had imagined it when she planned her little excursion earlier. In her mind, George would appear at her call, she would slap it with a fly swatter, and then she would run back to bed. Easy, peasy.

Grace dug into the trash with her foot, wrinkling her nose at a container of stale fries. " _Eww…_ " she hissed, shaking the fries off her foot. " _Gross, gross, gross._ "

" _George, if you're in here, please come out!_ " A slight scurrying caught her attention and she spun the light toward the rear of the car. " _Come out, please! I just want to…_ " but she stopped short. _I just want to_ _kill you_ seemed an improper thing to say somehow.

" _Just come out, you stupid little roach,_ " she added fiercely, now angry. " _I don't like you in here._ "

With a soft scurry, George appeared on a take-out bag at the back of the car.

Grace raised the fly swatter and brought it down with all her might. Trash scattered everywhere and, caught off balance, Grace toppled over. When she popped up again, brushing crumbs off her clothes, George had disappeared. She shone the flashlight at her fly swatter, but there were no cockroach guts or gore on the swatter.

" _Dang_ ," Grace muttered. So maybe this was harder than it looked? Climbing back onto the chair, she crouched and waited again. This time, she promised herself, she wouldn't miss.

…

Some time later, there was a soft creak as the front door opened, followed by quiet, careful steps across the floor to the kitchen. The garbage bag beneath the sink rustled as something was dropped inside. Then more quiet footsteps tiptoed to the laundry, and then to the bathroom. A few minutes later, the bed creaked slightly. After that, all was silent.

…

When Danny went into Grace's room the next morning, the little girl was still soundly asleep in bed. Danny, a hot cup of coffee in hand, vaguely recalled being woken at some point in the night and shook his head. Poor thing. Probably couldn't sleep well. He couldn't recall what conversation they'd had, if any. He decided to let her sleep in a bit. Missing her first class wouldn't kill her.

...

"You know… I haven't seen George all day." Steve surveyed the interior of the car curiously, nudging a few take-out containers in the floor with his foot. "Is he still here?"

"I dunno." Truth be told, Danny hadn't really noticed. He'd been too busy with the rest of their case to pay attention, especially when a high-speed car chase and hostage situation were involved. He hadn't exactly been looking for the nasty insect while dodging bullets on the H3.

"He's not in the glovebox," Steve commented, snapping the door shut with a _click_. "Maybe he decided to move to more sanitary grounds."

"I doubt it. But if he did, more power to him."

"When do you get your car back?"

"This afternoon." Danny was more excited about being behind the wheel of the Camaro than he let on. It would be nice to smell leather and not soured sushi every time he opened the door.

Steve cast a sideways glance in his direction. "You going to miss him?"

"Who?"

"George."

"Not as much as I'm going to miss getting to drive."

"You _like_ being chauffeured," Steve put in.

"No, no I do not-"

"You just don't want to admit it," the ex-SEAL finished with a smirk.

Danny sighed. "I'm not sure why I even bother to argue with you. It's pointless."

"Because I'm right."

"No, _not_ because you're right! You're wrong; you just don't listen, and you don't learn."

"There's nothing to learn because I'm right."

Danny rolled his eyes. "I have a child at home, Steven. I don't need one at work, too."

"So you're calling me a child now?"

"Drop it, Steve."

"Uh-huh." Steve flashed a grin. "Whatever you say, Danno."

…

Danny opened the door and stood still as thick heat spilled from the car. He inhaled deeply. Leather, plastic, metal… all the smells a car _should_ have. Sliding in, he fastened his belt and took a moment to appreciate the beauty and power of the Camaro. After a week of bouncing around in busted shocks, he was looking forward to a smooth, quiet, fully-air-conditioned ride home. He started the engine.

As he backed out of the parking space, he missed the small, brown shadow that slipped out from under the floor mat and scurried up the dash toward the glovebox…

...

 **A/N: this was the original planned ending to the saga, but I have an alternative, Danny-whump ending that can stand on its own. I'm debating whether to post it here, or post it separately for those that haven't followed the Saga of George the Cockroach.**


End file.
